Openness

Sometimes I hate it when I want to go to sleep at night, early even, but I can't because ideas and reflecitons start rolling through my head >_< (lol). That happend yet again last night, when after doing barly any homework I decided to try and sleep early and work on it today, and then I started to reflect.

I thought about a lot of things, but what stands out the most was a dialogue I began to have heart-to-heart with God about my dreams and goals. Basically, I've been under pressure to succeed. Thing is, I've been doing the pressuring. I want to go to film school with my bestfriend, MJ, and I'm at community college right now. I just took a lot of work loads my first few semesters, but this year I began to feel that I needed to slow down and just let this time prepare me for the future I'm hoping and working for. That came back to mind last night and I began to wonder what life would be like if I just lived according to what I want to do (films, comics, etc) versus what I need to do (films, comics, etc).

I feel better wanting to do it ^_^.

So I feel like my eyes have been opened yet again, in fact I feel sort of like Red from The Shawshank Redemption. That's his jail number btw in my URL, "30265"; that's my favorite movie. That movie, I feel, is all about Red chaning from a hopeless convict to a man inspired enough to forgive himself and go on with happy with the last remaining years of his life, the problem before was he was institutionalized by his crime -not jail. He kept walking around living like criminal and waiting for the System to tell him he was ready for society. So I feel kinda like him after he said "bump the system"; I feel hope.

Now I can focus all of my energy on being an artist, learning and meeting like-minded ppl, who can help me on the path I believe God set for me. I feel even more amped up, like when I first decided to live without academic pressure, as if everything hung on that regarding my film and art aspirations; I felt like I had a new lease on life; now i feel it again. Now I'm more excited than ever to better my creative skills and make art now, so that when professionalism comes, I'd have been prepared.

Its time for me to get to it now, I need more ideas from my mentor too now that I have a better attitude about my goals. I'm working on some stories, just to get more in the habit of writing them downs so I hope you enjoy 'em. The best outlook is to remember that in everything keep God first and He will direct you. Think of him as your favorite movie maker and you as your favorite celebrity, God is working on making you his best dramatic piece ever.

Peace out!