Ehh... persevering...recovering... a sliver of hope...

So I've been working A LOT... ok simply more than I used to, like one extra day. Thing is I work in the mornings now, 7am and I'm not used to getting up early, like at dawn maybe idk lol everyday. Welcome to adulthood right?

Lately work has been testing me, situations, stressful, between-a-rock-and-a-hardplace type situations, managers yelling and lecturing situations. Situations where your limits are tested... where you just want to hit somebody and leave destruciton in your wake.

Well today was one of those days.

It was supposed to be a "whatever" day really because in my head I'd been working my tail off all week and all the excitement this week was all centered on a big catering event today anway. But like a million employees were called in today, I of course was one of them but it wasn't really a big deal... until later.

Basically i got overwhelmed with some orders and ppl got stressed out and before you knew it everyhting had gone to Pot.

Thing is... I know where I could have done better and how I could have avoided the mess, but sometimes the craziness of work just sweeps you out to sea, if you will. But I know that that doesn't have to happen, it was just a bad patch. It just sucked. The day before something like this happend to another employee too :-/ And it didn't help that someone thought I was refusing help to gt out of that bad spot quick and in a hurry... made me look profoundly irresponsible so that pissed me off too >_< ... but its ok I'm cool with her all the time and she was just crazy confused like me and the PRESSURE was on like Donkey Kong.

One of my managers told me its never any[one's] fault and that we gotta focus and support one another and be aware when things start to get "tight". So I wasn't really in trouble at all it seems but I still feel a little crappy.

Its funny though because things at work... environmentally... or maybe just mentally... have been so weird. People have quit, had disputes with leadership, resources haven't been pooled efectively and sometimes the store goes without in times of great need (not to sound so dramatic)... its just been pretty distressing lately.

A lot of workers seem fed up to. I think that's why some have quit... some of the things were understandable others not so much. Its like some weight has been breaking the backs of us at work and ppl are throwing up their hands in surrender, poppin' off and takin' off. And I've def felt that way but something has been holding me back. But the temptaion doesn't go away but its infecting every1. Like ever1 feels they aren't protected or being taken care of so they take what they feel is theirs or has been denied them and then proceed dramatically out the nearest exit.

And treating others right is one of our cornerstones!

And sometimes I feel really confused. Like sometimes i feel like "what has my job done for me lately"... like I feel really selfish sometimes and others its like I'm bending over backwards to help others put myself 2nd. Ppl know I try to serve others and that I try to be respectful and nice and just a regular guy... no drama. But I've been tempted lately to just go off! And that stresses me out even more... supressing it all and directign it elsewhere. I mean one time I was so like vexed and pissed off at someone I was shaking... and at first I thought I was scared of them and their next remark... then I realized I was scared of how i might react and that scared me even more.

So when I was informed that I'd bet getting of work almost 2hrs early I was out of there. I went straight to Borders to unwind and, breezed thru the Kick-Ass comic. The [one thing] I took away from that book was to keep on getting up no matter how hard you're knocked down. Period. Just get up.

And then I was reminded of IPeter 4:19, "So those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."

Continue to do good.

That gives me a little comfort. If my Heavenly Father is protecting me thru the barrage of stress and revealing what i'm really made of underneath it all then I know I'll learn what to do in these tight spots. I'll admit it right now I've learned VERY slowly that its ok to keep my cool and get thru to resolution when things get really bad. Thing is i know what i am capable of. I know what I can do and its better than most think, and those who have thought of it tell me so, few of em but they see all the same.

So I'm gonna stick it out hold on tight to God's leg thru this storm and see what's on the other side.

Pray for me cuz I'm diving back in.

Later.